Grief · 16 October 2026
Grief does not keep a timetable
Families gather, prayers are said, food arrives for days. Then everyone goes home, and for many people that is when grief really begins.
Written by the Stillwater counsellors
If you only read this
- Every way of grieving is a real way
- The hardest time is often after the visitors leave
- Small routines and saying their name can help
- The monthly grief group is free and you can just listen
There is no right way
Some people cry often. Some feel numb, angry or oddly calm. Some feel relief after a long illness, and then guilt about the relief. All of these are common, and none of them mean you loved the person less.
When the mourning period ends
Many of our families observe a mourning period with visitors, prayers and customs. These can be a great comfort. When the period ends, the expectation can be that you are done. Grief rarely works that way. Anniversaries, Sallah, Christmas and the first rainy season without them can bring it all back.
Grief is not a problem to fix. It is something to carry, and it is easier to carry with company.
Small things that help
Keep one routine that is yours, a walk, a call, a prayer time. Eat something at regular hours even when you are not hungry. Let people help with practical tasks. Say their name out loud; many grieving people wish others would.
When to talk to someone
Consider talking to a counsellor if months have passed and you cannot do daily tasks, if you feel you cannot go on, or if you have no one to talk to about the person. Our grief evening group meets on the last Thursday of each month at 6pm. It is free and you do not need to speak.
If at any point you think about ending your life, please call 112 or go to the nearest hospital, and tell someone near you.
This piece is general information, not advice for your situation. Stillwater is not an emergency service. If you or someone else is in danger right now, call 112.